"Personal" Assistant

Original Post:
Attractive white couple, 30's looking for an open minded personal assistant. Duties will include running errands, cleaning, laundry, maybe some light cooking and greet us with cocktails when we get home and we can all unwind together. Flexible hours 20 per week. Reply with pic and availabiliy

Me to Legit Employer:
Hello, I am looking for work as a personal assistant. I am 29 years old and  have experience with the tasks mentioned. I have open availability. Let me know. : )
-Diane

Legit Employer to Me:

Diane, 

I hope you noticed the " " around personal assistant and understand what that means.  If you do, send along a picture of yourself and let us know your limitations, schedule availability and pay requirements.

Me to Legit Employer:
I'm sorry but I don't understand what you mean. I am a great personal assistant and I will do whatever duties are asked of me. I don't really have any limitations that I can think of. Although I once had to clean out the garbage disposal for a family that was putting chicken wing bones down the sink, and that was pretty gross. I would not want to do that again. Anyway, I am interested in setting up an interview. I have open availability 24/7. Thanks.
-Diane

Legit Employer to Me:

It's ok that you don't understand what i meant by that, so I think this position may not be right for you.  We are suggesting some "fun" for the 3 of us at the end of all of our work days.

Me to Legit Employer:
Please give me a chance. I can be really fun I promise. I attended a 3 week seminar on juggling and I can juggle up to 4 tennis balls at once. I am really good at Monopoly and I never quit even when you have hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place. Plus no one can beat me at Wii Sports. I hope this better explains why I am qualified. I look forward to working with you!
-Diane

Legit Employer to Me:

Diane, 

We are looking for adult types of fun, send over a few pictures of yourself.

Me to Legit Employer:
Oh ok! I think I finally get what you mean. I am used to working with families that have kids, haha. You want adult entertainment. Well I have never played beer pong but I will definitely give it a try! We could all join a book club or something. Maybe the Opera? I have plenty more ideas too. I sent my pic in the last email, didn't you get it? (I did not send a pic) Thanks
-Diane

Legit Employer to Me:

No I looked back and there is no picture attached, so please send a few of yourself.  Those ideas are great, we could do those things with no clothes on, that would be a lot of fun don't you think?

Me to Legit Employer:

I don't think we can go to the Opera with no clothes on, but I can call and check. I haven't been in a while but last time I went it was a black tie event. I emailed my grandma to see if the book club she belongs to allows nudity and I am still waiting back for a reply. They all read Fifty Shades of Grey recently so maybe they are more open to it? I don't get the pic thing, I attached it twice and it says its there? (still did not send anything) I'm blonde, 5'7, size 2, C cup.
-Diane

Legit Employer to Me:

Yeah still no pic, paste it into the body of the email if need be.  What kind of sex do you like?

Me to Legit Employer:

I think I figured out what the problem was. My pic is attached now. I have never had sex. But I want my first time to be on the beach with dolphins splashing in the sunset and ABBA playing on my ipod. Let's set up the interview for tomorrow?
-Diane